Tahun Ketiga Sebagai Mak Ngah

Selamat Hari Jadi, Khalil Amshar.

Kalil dah tige tahun. *Ade yu yu. Ade yu yu. Ade yu yu. Ade yu.*

Kita ada pertalian halimunan, Kalil, you and me.

Mak Ngah suka ‘something’, dia pun suka ‘something’. Mak Ngah suka makan ratah-ratah cicah-cicah, dia pun suka ratah-ratah cicah-cicah.

Mak Ngah kaki teyak dulu kini anda pula juara. Nah piala pusingan.

Semoga ALLAH menjadikan Khalil Amshar seorang yang berjaya dalam dunia dan akhirat, anak yang soleh kepada kedua ibu dan bapa, dan tak lupa juga kepada Tok, Mak Ngah, Adak & Unkel, Adik, Achu, Pak Dode, Pak Lam, We dan Mok..

Semoga Khalil sentiasa menjadi penyeri di mata dan penyeri di hati keluarga kita bersama-sama dengan adik Zarif Amri.

Alhamdulillah di atas rezeki ini.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Thank you for teaching me unconditional love. I never knew i could love a stranger so much until you were born.

Hugss and kisses now and forever…

Mak Ngah.

*Happy Birthday to You*



Temporary Blackout

Ritma kipas siling makin perlahan.

Mr Popper’s Penguin hilang dari skrin TV.

White noise lessen and lessen to a stop.

Only once a year this happens usually. Kerap lagi kalau di Limbang dulu.

Bingar kesunyian menyelubungi rumah.


I’m one of those people who sometimes thrives in silence. I don’t know why.

Mama, however, feels the need to fill the in blanks.

Minda berlegar mengingatkan blog yang sudah berkian lama sudah berhabuk. Keputusan UPSR. Sepupu sudah mendapat anak! Cuti sekolah. Tak dapat cuti lagi. Tukar? Tak tukar? Kerja kerja kerja.

Kemudian teringatkan permainan kad yang dibeli untuk waktu-waktu terluang. Waktu-waktu terluang yang seringkali sejakduamenjak ini diisi oleh idiotbox dan gajet-gajet yang memerlukan punca kuasa.

My geek side keeps UNO and Game of Life handy.

Playing the Game of Life in the stillness of the afternoon made me reminisce.

Those simple days of youth where we; my siblings and I; had nothing but each other to entertain. We had Monopoly, Scrabble, chess and UNO. We had the silliest fight over the ‘official rules’ of buying Park Lane or was zit an official word, or had UNO been said before the last card was put down.

One of the craziest moment of this 21st century was when my whole group sitting together during the LINUS course,BUT talk to each other via WhatsApp in our group forum. I’m thinking of sending my Avatar out sometimes to replace my physical presence. This is a joke, by the way.

Our physical form are present when we are with our loved ones but we minds and bodies are under influence of a third party.

Kami keluar untuk membeli lilin, kemudian pusing-pusing di sekeling taman melihat suasana senja.

“Rugi tak bawak G11..”

“Hmm…” jawab Mama. Then she continued her chatter.

When we turned the corner into my lane, the traffic light was already on again. The TV was on, and we sat down and looked at the idiotbox like nothing happened. The candles were put aside and so were my thoughts.

Then the lights went off again. The stillness again.

Alhamdulillah, my laptop was turned on as i was writing this. I opened the sliding door a bit for some air, light up the candles. And proceeded to type this.

Low chatter fills the room as i nod again and again to Mama.

“Welcome back, me” . I type to myself.

The months long hiatus was just a temporary blackout.

2014 is coming and I am praying for better things to come, and to write.

Insyallah. Amin.

Meet The Parents

I told this story about my Parent-Teacher Interaction Day today at my FB wall:


Maybe I left that hanging with the aura that the day did not turn out as inspiring as i thought that it would be. On such a sad note.

But I did leave the classroom with another story. A story of perseverence, and simply a mother’s strong will. 

A story i spent nearly half an hour talking to this mother.

Mrs S. Her elder daughter has medical problems that needs to be taken to the hospital nearly everyweek. My student, the younger sister, F, always absent on the day because no  one will pick her up after school due everyone is at the hospital.

F is a really silent kid. I rarely hear her talk. So this is my conversation with her mother;

” So I’ve just knew about her sister’s condition. I understand why now F is always absent.”

” Yes, her elder sister always need to see the doctor. She (elder sis) now also has develop problems with one of her eye. And the medical conditions (maybe) made her a bit slow ( in learning)”

I looked over at the elder sister looking at my noticeboards in the classroom. The ones with the sticker charts. She grazed her fingers slowly over the stickers and started to count them slowly.

I turn to look at Mrs. S. Confident, smiling. Never a moment of weakness.

 “F is always silent in class. Is she always like this at home? I ask this because i worry maybe something is bothering her or anything..”

 ” Oh no, she is always like that. She the silent one at home. Always like to spend time in her rooms and reading..”

 ” Wow, then she must be really clever to read so much..”

 ” She even have her own diary, Cikgu. Everything she feels she always write in them. “

 ” Its great for me to heat that she has an outlet to express her feelings, and someone so young to keep a diary! She must be really good in her essays..”

I told her about myself keeping diary in high school. Intermission.

” Do you know, Cikgu, when F wants to communicate with me, she always write me a letter, and i would reply at the bottom and she would reply back etc?”

 ” Wow! How interesting! ” ( How old school)

 “Yes, I always read her diary when she’s asleep, because who knows what happens during the day, and she rarely talks, and she wrote almost everything down. So I make a point to read and put back exactly where she hid it”.

I had to hold back my Wows at this moment. Because Mrs. S is such a great mother. Other moms would (maybe) have ignored the letter and diary, but she made a point to understand her silent child.

She went on to wow me further:

 ” SInce her elder sister , and sometimes F , doesn’t like to memorize the Surahs from Quran maybe because its hard for them. I try to make it enjoyable to them by looking up on youtube, and asking them to memorize by listening and repeating. I tried by rote learning but it seems they enjoy the youtube more.Now they almost can memorize all that they should be knowing..”

She ended with such a proud smile. I smiled. I love her story.

There’s more:

” I am going to open up a blog for her to write in. She’s interested in computer.  So I said to her; Kakak, later Ibu make a blog then you can write in it…”

Mrs. S, a housewife with so many means  and and idea. I love her already.

 ” Wow” ( I can’t help myself really, at this point)

 ”  Who knows she will become a famous writer one day? I would want to visit her blog too..”

” Its great that you put up such effort for your kids. Rarely i hear such stories from parents that go beyond the usual means to help their children. Because most of the time i hear, she/hes always like that, Cikgu. You just do what you can do with my kid teacher, i dont mind one bit. .. but you, you have the initiative. An inspiration really.”

Not one moment of weakness because of her challenged-children. Lucky girls to have such a great mom. Alhamdulillah.

I sent the three of them off with such goodfelt feeling in the heart that restored my faith in humanity.

The worst and the best story of the day. May I of all, and we learn something from the experience He has given me today.


Kisah Budak Paling Degil Dalam Dunia

Ini kisah benar.

Berlaku tadi sewaktu masa terakhir pengajaran saya.

Kelas Tahun 2B. Kelas terakhir saya, selama 1 jam 1/2 mengajar Bahasa Inggeris.

Murid tidaklah sebanyak kelas saya yang sebenar, yang menghampiri setengah ratus.

Mereka hanyalah 26 orang. Tetapi mungkin 26 orang yang setiap orangnya mempunyai tahap pencabaran yang tersendiri.

Mungkin ini kali pertama saya menghadapi kelas yang betul, sebetul-betulnya kelas “di belakang”. Selama ini, tak lah saya rasa sungguh tercabar.

Kelas ini mempunyai murid-murid pemulihan/LINUS, dan juga beberapa masalah pembelajaran yang saya percaya akan temui dalam masa akan datang.

Tapi, percayalah, jika dalam kekalutan mengajar murid, lari sana sini, panjat kerusi, terjun kerusi, pusing belakang waktu saya tengok mengajar;

Kalau saya menjerit nama kelas itu kali pertama, (dijawab Yes, Teacher!) kemudian kali kedua, semestinya mereka akan terdiam dan duduk.

Because I mean business. But apparently, one boy in this class is not even scared of (what I feel) my worst, angriest, facade in classroom management. 

My bark is worst than my bite (my sister will have a field day with where this joke is going).

Saya tak pernah betul-betul marahkan murid sampai ke dalam hati. Sampailah saya bertemu si ketot H ni.

H ini akan bergerak, bercakap, mengganggu kawan-kawannya dan juga saya secara tiba-tiba, tanpa disuruh atau apabila disuruh melanggar arahan dengan sengaja.

Semua metodologi saya telah cuba. Cara standard adalah cubit di pinggang, atau pulas telinga. Cara tidak standard adalah seperti begnya saya simpan di atas almari agar dia kembali ke tempatnya.

Tak berkesan. Dia tunggu masa saya pusing ajar kawannya, kemudia dia panjat almari.

Didenda suruh berdiri di luar kelas. Dia main seret-seret bontot keluar dan ke dalam kelas, kemudia lari masuk dalam cubit kawannya dan berlari keluar. Tanpa henti.

Saya keputusan idea. Saya perlu mencapai objektif dan memberi perhatian kepada murid-murid lain. Mana saya ada masa nak melayan karenah dia seorang yang mengganggu semua orang termasuk saya??

Jadi saya buat keputusan untuk buat apa yang saya selalu buat apabila mencapai pilihan terakhir dalam mendenda murid. Saya tahan dia dari balik apabila loceng terakhir berbunyi, dan meminta seorang kawannya memanggil sepupunya di Tahun 4 untuk memberi nasihat melalui kaedah orang tengah.

Sementara menunggu, saya genggam pergelangan tangan kirinya dalam tangan kanan saya. Saya baru sedar hanya cara sebegitu, setiap kali saya buat hanya dia duduk diam dan tidak bergerak. Otak saya tiba-tiba seperti mentol menyala.

Sepupunya , S, sampai, bersama-sama beberapa orang kawan.

” Ya , Teacher, kenapa teacher?”

” Sepupu kamu ni, nakal betul dalam kelas tadi. Sampai geram Teacher. Di rumah dia memang macam ni ka? Teacher dah hilang akal rasanya..”

” Oh, memang Teacher. Dia kat rumah memang macam ni, selalu kena rotan dengan ibu bapanya. Adik-beradiknya semua ganas-ganas jugak..”

H diam. Tunduk. Saya lihat dia maka mentol tadi bersinar makin menyala. Saya teringat salah satu nukilan blog saya.

Saya usap kepala H. ” Kesian kamu kan..mesti di rumah mak dan bapak kamu jarang peluk kamu kan..”

H bergenang air mata.

” Kesian kamu. Kesian..” Saya usap lagi kepala. Meleleh sebelah air mata dia.

” Meh sini Teacher peluk skit..”. Saya peluk erat H. Kedua-dua air mata dia berguguran.

Saya pulak syahdu. ” Sini Teacher peluk skali lagi.” 

H tertunduk dengan air mata berlinangan. Saya tengok dia dan cakap ; ” Janganlah nakal-nakal dalam kelas, tau? Nanti cikgu kena peluk kamu lagi pulak..”

Sepupunya sengih. Sebelum semua pulang, tiba-tiba 3 murid perempuan kelas tadi berpatah balik dan tengok kepada saya ; ” Teacher, nak peluk?”

Group hug.

Hugs of love. Saya pernah tulis mengenai topik ini di sini. Saya teringat psikologi kanak-kanak, yang di mana jika mereka suka membuat perangai, adalah kerana kekurangan kasih sayang dari ibu bapa. 

Dan jika seseorang itu bercakap atau bertindak dengan kamu dengan tidak karuan, peluklah dia (yang mahram). Supaya dari hati ke hati, kamu memberitahu secara tidak lisan;

Bahawa, shhhh. Tak apa. Saya ada di sini. Bertenang. Shhhh.

Saya belajar banyak dari budak yang paling degil dalam dunia. Walaupun saya bukan seorang ibu (lagi), saya harap pada masa hadapan, saya akan kerap memeluk anak saya.

From heart to heart.

2012 dalam kenangan ;)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,100 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 5 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

#11 – Layar Lara

Satu insiden lucu baru-baru ini.

Tatkala saya dan adik berada di bilik hotel yang berkembar dengan bilik abang, kedengaran lagu King Of Anything dimainkan dari tv sebelah sana.

Saya dengan tergesa menjerit ; ” Wei, filem Made of Honor ada dalam tv ka?”

Adik saya naik keningnya; ” Wei, macamana hang tau?”

Sengih kambing. Abang saya ; ” Beik-beik, satgi dia mula buat reference kat filem Ghost Protocol plak hahaha..”.

Jadi, sejakduamenjak saya asyik ‘jumpa’ perkaitan antara filem-filem lain dengan filem Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol..

Pause. ” Wei, memang heroin filem Made of Honor ada dalam Ghost Protocol..kan dia bini Ethan Hunt yang dalam persembunyian…”

Gelak besar kami bertiga.

Secara jujurnya, dalam minda saya ada satu folder FILEM yang berpautan kepada folder SOUNDTRACK FILEM, yang juga ada pautan kepada folder pelakon-pelakon Hollywood.

Boleh dikatakan selepas menulis dan berlaman sosial muka buku, keminatan saya adalah kepada filem. Namun bukanlah genre seram.


::Baru selesai review Breaking Dawn (2) dalam Moleskine Passion::

:: Website yang sering dikunjungi untuk info filem..::

Kenangan pertama saya menonton wayang adalah ketika kecil dahulu, tatkala Bapak saya membawa kami sekeluarga menonton filem Universal Soldier di Cathay Alor Star. Itulah kali pertama saya tengok filem Jean Claude Van Damme berlakon. Saya tak ingat sangat jalan cerita filem itu, tetapi saya terasa seperti satu permulaan kepada hubungan yang cantik. A beginning of a beautiful friendship. Satu quote dari filem..Casablanca?

I learnt my so-so English; apart from reading and singing, is from watching these movies.

Saya lihat/ dengar, saya sebut dan saya tulis..masa kecik dahulu, saya juga ada pernah menyimpan buku skrap filem dengan guntingan-guntingan poster filem wayang, bersama dengan quotes. Ya, saya nerd dari kecik lagi.

Sekarang saya ada Moleskine Passion: Film Journal saya dan masih berbuat perkara yang sama. Minat, bukan apa.

:: Passion..::

Rasanya macam tahun depan nak beli Moleskine P. : Book Journal pulak.

Ehem kepada seorang sahabat yang baru membeli Travel Journal. Anda tahu anda siapa. (Welcome to the club!)


#10 – An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse

Daily Prompt : Here’s the title of your post: “An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse.”

Set a timer for ten minutes, and write it. Go!

My handphone rang.

It is a rare occurance. I’m much of a message-type of girl, not the tied-up-by-the-chatting kind of person. As time goes by, most people who kept in touch with me, just called because it’s really important or urgent. What you give is what you get, I guess.

Of course, a landline number. Another mystery before I answer the call. The hustle and bustle of the school’s student outside the room, as if, suddenly became distant as I answered the phone.

It was an office number; a good friend is calling from her office. As she was asking about the usual pleasantries, my head wondered the actual reason of the call.

We were great friends back then, as events and life came between us, we rarely met up. The SMS and call get less frequent and came to a standstill. But when we meet up, we cannot stop talking.

” Wei, I miss youla… well, I have something to ask of you? Since we hadn’t seen each other for a long time..”

” Depends on what you’re asking..” Nervous laughter. I’m always on guard when people asks me that question.

” Well, I have a seminar I have to attend in Malacca..but the thing is there’s nobody to accompany me..I don’t like being alone in hotel rooms..and it’s boring because I had been there many times”


” The lodgings is at A Famosa Resort, inside The Theme Park..the seminar is 3 days and two nights..”

” Very interesting…”. I was drooling.

“Plus..you can borrow the company’s car while I attend the seminar to go around Malacca..”


She works for one of the biggest Japanese carmakers in the world.  I can already imagine myself speeding, within the limits of course, my way to the World Heritage Site.

I had been wanting to go to Malacca really badly at that time. The last time I was there, was with my family together when my father was still alive. I checked out the offer at Groupon, but somehow I didn’t bought it.

Now I know why I hesitated. ALLAH gave me a better offer to go there.

” Alhamdulillah, wei, I’ve been wanting to go there, like crazy!”

” Great! We can go sightseeing when I’m free. And plus, we can catch up on old time..thank you by the way for doing this..I owe you one!”

” No, thank you! We are going to have a great time! Woohooooo!!”

By the time the conversation’s done, everyone in the teacher’s room probably heard my woohoo-ing.

So, Alhamdulillah, we went to Malacca together and had a great time. I saw almost everything I wanted to see.


:: Hangin out with Fadz in front of A Famosa::

During my ‘safari’ trip at A Famosa Resort theme park, the truck I was on that was passing through the tiger’s cage suddenly got a flat tyre. In between 3 tigers watching, we had to change trucks by jumping to another truck. Adrenaline rush.

Guess what? The next year, my family and I went again there. Had more fun still.


:: Malacca River Cruise with family. Great time::

I know it’s not Paris, or Switzerland or any other place, but at that moment it was an offer I couldn’t refuse.

I am open to any other travelling offers.

Depends on what you are asking, of course.

#8 – Nobody Knows Us Here

Daily Prompt : Open your nearest book to page 82. Take the third full sentence on the page, and work it into a post somehow.

“Abang Yunus?”

” Yes, my pretty little sister, Aisyah?” enquired the boy, although nervous and frightened himself, tried to compliment his sister to make her forget where they are.

” Why are we running away?” asked the little girl, maybe just a year younger than her brother. Face smudged, clothes soiled from sitting on the pavement. The rain did not help much. Both of them were soaked and splashed by a car that zoomed past a muddy puddle.

The boy let out a loud sigh. His eyes flickered by the Barbie doll his sister is holding close to her heart.

” Just for fun. You must not ask too much question,ok?”. The girl nodded. Her brother smiled. ” Let Abang see your Barbie..” the boy opens up his palms towards his sister and encloses the doll slowly.

” Wow, very pretty. It looks like you. Long beautiful hair. Nice smile..what will you name her?”

” Baity..” his sister shyly smiled. The boy was suddenly silent of the resonance of the name.

Suddenly, loud shout from the end of the tunnel heard. ” There they are!!”

“Quick, Aisyah..run!!”. They started to run as mightily as they can, as though as the Devil is chasing.

“Stop, you thief!!”…faintly heard over the commotion of the rain and traffic. Both of them sped past a few shophouses and come to a clearing. They quickly headed towards the dumpster, sprinting towards an old, rusty car abandoned as others junks are.

Both abruptly sat down to catch their breaths. Panting, for a few minutes.

” Abang Yunus…”

” Yes..my..pretty..sister..” Breathlessness holds him back from replying clearly.

” Is he gone? Don’t let him take away my Baity. You said you bought it for me.” Lips put together sulkily, somehow made the situation worse.

” Yes, Baity can stay.” The boy decided to just hid the truth.” Don’t worry, nobody knows us here…they can’t take away your Baity..”

A grin lights up the girls face, and she hugs her brother.

” I love you too, my pretty little sister. This place is our Baity now. This place is our home..”. His sister looked up to him from her hug, for at a moment trying to comprehend his meaning.

She smiles. She turns to her doll. ” Hello, Baity Barbie. Welcome to out Baity, our home..”. Both chuckled, for a moment forgetting the harsh reality of days to come.

*Abang – Malay word for’ brother’

* Baity – Arabic word for ‘home’

#6 – Inspiration

Inspiration from everything

One of the rare blogs where it’s gonna be full of pictures of me.

I’m kind of a reclusive when it comes to my own pictures in this blog because I feel its better for my own writing to show who I really am.

The Daily Post post a  Special Photo Challenge  : “Show us photos of yourself doing things that inspire you to blog.”

After ten years of writing, even when my own mother asks me what do I write about?, I am still dumbfounded to answer quickly.” Stuffs..” I answered in defiance. She’s just learned about  Internet and Youtube , so it seems far off she will become my follower on WordPress.com . I forgive you, Ma.

Most of my writings come from my musings on being a teacher to adorable kids. My sixth going on seventh year being a teacher, from a Science to English teacher, and also in turn the kids taught me a lot about life, the way I see it and the way they see it. The way that I sometimes overcome the obstacle of a new and still learning teacher, and the pedagogy in the classroom, by being ( at times, literally!) one of them. They had taught me to always have a young heart.

::30 going on 13::

Some of the time, I reflect on the life and how it makes me feels.

:: Crashing the Hard Rock Hotel in Penang::

My adventures with my friends and family.

::Crazy family time in Malacca::

How being an aunt brings out the maternal sides of me. It also helps to the cute factor to have a handsome toddler to tag along.

::excuse my creepy face::

And almost all of the time, what I write about is being myself. A nerd who just loves writing about everything.

:: Goofing off at Tesco::

#4 – Saya tak keseorangan

Now more that ever, i started to doubt my decision.

Resolusi saya untuk tegar dengan berprinsip berdasarkan apa yang sepatutnya saya buat, berbanding dengan apa yang sudah menjadi kebiasaan tapi sebenarnya salah.

Berbinar rasanya pemikiran. Doa telah saya panjatkan tatkala meminta jawapan atau petunjuk atau apa sahaja untuk memberi sesuatu panduan.

Fainna maal usri yus rho. Inna maal usri yus rho. Terngiang doa Surah Al- Insyirah tatkala saya terlekat dalam kesesakan lalulintas luar biasa kearah Jalan Duta tadi lewat petang.

Ya Rabb. Sesaknya kepala. Lailahailla anta, subhana inni kuntu minazzolimin. Sesungguhnya aku antara orang-orang yang menzalimi diri sendiri.  Siapa suruh keluar waktu sebegini?? “Apakah ketenangan yang sepatutnya aku dapat dari jem ini?”

Tanda lampu tangki minyak sudah naik kuning. Berpeluh. Pertama kerana saya sudah tutup penghawa dingin. Kedua, anda tahu kenapa. Doa Nabi Yunus dibaca lagi berulang-ulang.

Ajaibnya, tiba-tiba lampu kuning itu padam dan tanda aras minyak naik sedikit. Subhanallah!

Hampir ½ jam saya tersangkut di jalan itu menuju Hentian Duta sampai tanda kuning itu naik kembali buat kali kedua. Alhamdulillah saya sudah sampai di destinasi.

Selesai mendapatkan tiket, saya dan Mama melepak dahulu menunggu kesesakan surut. Ya Rabb. Berilah kesabaran.

Sedang saya menunggu Mama solat di surau, saya merentas kedai majalah untuk mencari bahan bacaan. Terpapar Majalah LISA seperti memanggil empunya badan, bermukadepan Shila Hamzah edidi Nov/Disember. Sudah lama saya tak membeli majalah sebegini, entah kenapa tiba-tiba terpanggil.

Jawapan saya rupanya ada di dalam itu.

Sejam kemudian, dalam mengharungi kesesakan bandaraya untuk pulang, berjumpa akhirnya dengan stesen minyak dan kembali pulang hingga sekarang, terngiang jawapan Shila Hamzah tatkala menjawab kisah Shahnaz, buah hatinya mengajak dia bertemu buat kali pertama:

::Shila Hamzah. I respect you. And for now it turns out so well for her. Alhamdulillah.:

Wow. Saya ingat saya keseorangan dalam keputusan ini. Now I don’t feel so alien.

Saya dapat ketenangan dalam jawapan Shila Hamzah, of all person.

Alhamdulillah. Allah itu Maha Misteri dalam memberi jawapan.

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