“I’ve been looking for you..”


The topic for Daily Post, WordPress.com :You’re sitting at a café when a stranger approaches you. This person asks what your name is, and, for some reason, you reply. The stranger nods, “I’ve been looking for you.” What happens next?

What is it about the rain?

The refreshing smell of water falling from sky to the earth. The drops. One sound after the other. Like the hypnotic sounds of life; celebrating.

I put my feet on the chair beside me as I sat and gazed the view of the sidewalk from the lonely cafe. Serenity. I smiled.

“Assalamualaikum..”

I looked up. Wow. My first reaction must had been vivid because the man smiled knowingly and flashed the brightest smile ever. I shook my head from the flush I felt rising to my cheeks and quickly put down my feet.

” Waalaikumsalam..”. Still dazed, and still looking up to the standing stranger, I chided myself. What am I doing? Usually I just ignore strangers, or just raise one of my eyebrow with an icy stare.

” Cik… ?”

” Nur Lisa..”. At that moment, I felt like slapping my face. It was like I was under a spell.

He smiled. Calmly, he sat down beside me. Now both of us, not facing each other but looking at the open space in the rain.

“I’ve been looking for you..” The words came easily, not hurriedly. It was like he said ” What a beautiful weather it is..”

“Who are you?” . One sane moment I managed to ask, despite the fact that at the very moment he sat down, I felt I had known him my whole life.

“You know who I am.”

Still not looking at me, still calm. He looked up towards the rain then towards me.

Pure and angelic, he might as well had wings. I looked entranced.

Yes, I knew him. Deep down I knew.

“Do you know why I am here?” I blinked. Almost as though he looked into my eyes and into my soul.

I looked down, and then looked away again.

” Something about what I want?”  I whispered almost too softly.

He nodded.

” The prayers you make everyday. Don’t give up.  He is Most Listening and Most Caring”

“Allah had bestowed you the blessings and when He withheld, He is Most Knowing when it is good for you not to have it and give an even better thing..

“Sometimes it’s easier to see what we have not but actually we have more than most of us..”

I did’nt realized I sat back and put my feet up again as he did when he started talking.

” Be thankful. Be strong. This world is not meant to be Paradise. That comes after all this hard work.”

” After the rain, comes the rainbow..” It came out as though it was meant to be. From my own lips.

This time, without turning, i felt his smile. ” Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Lailahaillah, Allahuakhbar”.

” It’s time for me to go..” He decided as the rain subsided. Gentle hail became drops.

“You came with the rain..”. I said in wonderment.

With the that final smile, he got up and went away. That man in white seems to have vanished in the distance.

The peace and serenity state he left me with lingered as i closed my eyes for awhile.

” Thank you, Allah for sending me Hope..”

Rizqy from the rain.

 

I

Dongak Ke Atas.


Atas/Bawah?

Atas/Bawah?

Subhanallah. Alhamdulillah.

Ini pandangan saya tatkala saya letakkan kepala di buai taman rumah.

Secara jujurnya, dongakan saya ke langit dengan harapan dapatkah melihat syurga?

Kemudian saya tertawa sendirian, mana mungkin hamba yang banyak dosa seperti ini mampu melihat sekadar dengan dongakan?

Tapi itu sebenarnya bagi saya metafora langit.

Syurga Jannah takkan dinampakkan dengan mata kasar.

Tapi kalau sudah langit sebegini sudah begitu hebat dan indah, tidakkah kita tertanya bagaimanakah lebih hebatnya syurga Jannah?

Metafora langit adalah metafora harapan.

Metafora kekuasaanNya. 

Metafora betapa kerdil dan mikroskopiknya kita di Bumi ini berbanding ciptaanNya yang Maha Hebat. Walaupun kita manusia, hanya dijadikan dari tanah yang lembik, tetapi kitalah Khalifah di sini. We are the chosen one.

Metafora pengampunanNya. Berapa juta kali kita berdosa setiap hari, tetapi Alhamdulillah, masih menghirup udara segarNya, deria semua Insyallah masih berfungsi untuk nikmat-nikmat ini.

Metafora kehebatanNya. Sedang saya mendongak ke langit yang kelihatan tiada berpenghujung ini, pada masa yang sama, saya dapat melihat sel-sel mikroskopik serta bakteria yang melintas di hadapan mata saya.

Juxtaposed. The biggest creation in the world the eyes can see.The smallest creation the eyes can see.

Allahuakhbar.

Note to self: This world is much more bigger than your bubble. Step out and look at the bigger picture.

Sesungguhnya pada kejadian langit dan bumi, dan pada pertukaran malam dan siang, ada tanda-tanda (kekuasaan, kebijaksanaan, dan keluasan rahmat Allah) bagi orang-orang Yang berakal;

(Iaitu) orang-orang Yang menyebut dan mengingati Allah semasa mereka berdiri dan duduk dan semasa mereka berbaring mengiring, dan mereka pula memikirkan tentang kejadian langit dan bumi (sambil berkata): “Wahai Tuhan kami! tidaklah Engkau menjadikan benda-benda ini Dengan sia-sia, Maha suci engkau, maka peliharalah Kami dari azab neraka.

(Surah Al-’Imran: Ayat 190-191)

Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Perhatikan dan fikirkanlah apa yang ada di langit dan di bumi dari segala kejadian yang menakjubkan, yang membuktikan keesaan Allah dan kekuasaanNya).

(Surah Al-Yunus: Ayat 101)

Tahun Ketiga Sebagai Mak Ngah


Selamat Hari Jadi, Khalil Amshar.

Kalil dah tige tahun. *Ade yu yu. Ade yu yu. Ade yu yu. Ade yu.*

Kita ada pertalian halimunan, Kalil, you and me.

Mak Ngah suka ‘something’, dia pun suka ‘something’. Mak Ngah suka makan ratah-ratah cicah-cicah, dia pun suka ratah-ratah cicah-cicah.

Mak Ngah kaki teyak dulu kini anda pula juara. Nah piala pusingan.

Semoga ALLAH menjadikan Khalil Amshar seorang yang berjaya dalam dunia dan akhirat, anak yang soleh kepada kedua ibu dan bapa, dan tak lupa juga kepada Tok, Mak Ngah, Adak & Unkel, Adik, Achu, Pak Dode, Pak Lam, We dan Mok..

Semoga Khalil sentiasa menjadi penyeri di mata dan penyeri di hati keluarga kita bersama-sama dengan adik Zarif Amri.

Alhamdulillah di atas rezeki ini.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Thank you for teaching me unconditional love. I never knew i could love a stranger so much until you were born.

Hugss and kisses now and forever…

Mak Ngah.

*Happy Birthday to You*

12/08/2014

Spring of Sakura


 

Alhamdulillah.

It’s almost like the spring here in Malaysia. At least, in Kedah.

The explosion of the cherry blossom around my hometown is like a beautiful, soft and gentle celebration.

Image

Sakura

A blessing, hopefully as a sign that it’s the end of the hot and humid season. And a sign from Allah for us to persevere, because “fainna maal usri yus rho, inna maal usri yus rho”. After every hardship, there will sure be comfort and peace.

 

Kononisme : Feeling-feeling like  (konon) is the posing mosing

Kononisme : Feeling-feeling like (konon) is the posing mosing

The quarter of 2014 has not been a smooth ride for us, Malaysian, and for most of us. Our prayers everyday are still with the missing flight MH370 , entering its 31st day. Some of my friends and family face great hardship.

My schedule is full most of the time.(This is my first post for 2014! It’s already April!)

I try my very best not to use the word ‘busy’ as it sounds like an excuse, because I realized if you want something, you will make time for it. So this year, I’m trying my very best to avoid ‘busy’ and make time. Insyallah.

Alhamdulillah, after 7 years of living here and there and most of the time living like a nomad, I have finally back in hometown to serve locally. I am now a teacher somewhere in a kinda outback school in Pokok Sena, some 45 minutes from my mom’s house. I love the scenery on the way to school, and I love the school. So what is 45 minutes, huh?

Subhanallah

Subhanallah

A best friend and I fulfilled our promise to come back to Kedah and “make roots” here. Now the 3 of us, is working to make the best of our dreams. My bestie, the chef extraordinaire fulfills her dreams to open this great cafe, and another one of being a great global businesswoman. About my dream, lets just say I will keep it under wraps for now. I’m very protective. 😛

The timing of the cherry blossom ‘spring’ season is right on. I needed something after an exhausting quarter of the year.

My bestfriend, Nadiah. Thank you for stepping in the moment.

My bestfriend, Nadiah. Thank you for stepping in the moment.

An idea made me smile and messaged my bestie.

” Jom, let’s do a photoshoot under the cherry blossoms? ”

” JOMMMMMMMM……”

What an experience! Been a while for my G11 but it was worth every moment of this craziness.

I always wonder if I ever will see the cherry blossom Sakura in Japan ever. Alhamdulillah, praise ALLAH for bringing us this season for us to enjoy.

It made me smile.

“I had a dream so big and loud
I jumped so high I touched the clouds…”

 

 

 

Temporary Blackout


Ritma kipas siling makin perlahan.

Mr Popper’s Penguin hilang dari skrin TV.

White noise lessen and lessen to a stop.

Only once a year this happens usually. Kerap lagi kalau di Limbang dulu.

Bingar kesunyian menyelubungi rumah.

candles

I’m one of those people who sometimes thrives in silence. I don’t know why.

Mama, however, feels the need to fill the in blanks.

Minda berlegar mengingatkan blog yang sudah berkian lama sudah berhabuk. Keputusan UPSR. Sepupu sudah mendapat anak! Cuti sekolah. Tak dapat cuti lagi. Tukar? Tak tukar? Kerja kerja kerja.

Kemudian teringatkan permainan kad yang dibeli untuk waktu-waktu terluang. Waktu-waktu terluang yang seringkali sejakduamenjak ini diisi oleh idiotbox dan gajet-gajet yang memerlukan punca kuasa.

My geek side keeps UNO and Game of Life handy.

Playing the Game of Life in the stillness of the afternoon made me reminisce.

Those simple days of youth where we; my siblings and I; had nothing but each other to entertain. We had Monopoly, Scrabble, chess and UNO. We had the silliest fight over the ‘official rules’ of buying Park Lane or was zit an official word, or had UNO been said before the last card was put down.

One of the craziest moment of this 21st century was when my whole group sitting together during the LINUS course,BUT talk to each other via WhatsApp in our group forum. I’m thinking of sending my Avatar out sometimes to replace my physical presence. This is a joke, by the way.

Our physical form are present when we are with our loved ones but we minds and bodies are under influence of a third party.

Kami keluar untuk membeli lilin, kemudian pusing-pusing di sekeling taman melihat suasana senja.

“Rugi tak bawak G11..”

“Hmm…” jawab Mama. Then she continued her chatter.

When we turned the corner into my lane, the traffic light was already on again. The TV was on, and we sat down and looked at the idiotbox like nothing happened. The candles were put aside and so were my thoughts.

Then the lights went off again. The stillness again.

Alhamdulillah, my laptop was turned on as i was writing this. I opened the sliding door a bit for some air, light up the candles. And proceeded to type this.

Low chatter fills the room as i nod again and again to Mama.

“Welcome back, me” . I type to myself.

The months long hiatus was just a temporary blackout.

2014 is coming and I am praying for better things to come, and to write.

Insyallah. Amin.

Meet The Parents


I told this story about my Parent-Teacher Interaction Day today at my FB wall:

 Image

Maybe I left that hanging with the aura that the day did not turn out as inspiring as i thought that it would be. On such a sad note.

But I did leave the classroom with another story. A story of perseverence, and simply a mother’s strong will. 

A story i spent nearly half an hour talking to this mother.

Mrs S. Her elder daughter has medical problems that needs to be taken to the hospital nearly everyweek. My student, the younger sister, F, always absent on the day because no  one will pick her up after school due everyone is at the hospital.

F is a really silent kid. I rarely hear her talk. So this is my conversation with her mother;

” So I’ve just knew about her sister’s condition. I understand why now F is always absent.”

” Yes, her elder sister always need to see the doctor. She (elder sis) now also has develop problems with one of her eye. And the medical conditions (maybe) made her a bit slow ( in learning)”

I looked over at the elder sister looking at my noticeboards in the classroom. The ones with the sticker charts. She grazed her fingers slowly over the stickers and started to count them slowly.

I turn to look at Mrs. S. Confident, smiling. Never a moment of weakness.

 “F is always silent in class. Is she always like this at home? I ask this because i worry maybe something is bothering her or anything..”

 ” Oh no, she is always like that. She the silent one at home. Always like to spend time in her rooms and reading..”

 ” Wow, then she must be really clever to read so much..”

 ” She even have her own diary, Cikgu. Everything she feels she always write in them. “

 ” Its great for me to heat that she has an outlet to express her feelings, and someone so young to keep a diary! She must be really good in her essays..”

I told her about myself keeping diary in high school. Intermission.

” Do you know, Cikgu, when F wants to communicate with me, she always write me a letter, and i would reply at the bottom and she would reply back etc?”

 ” Wow! How interesting! ” ( How old school)

 “Yes, I always read her diary when she’s asleep, because who knows what happens during the day, and she rarely talks, and she wrote almost everything down. So I make a point to read and put back exactly where she hid it”.

I had to hold back my Wows at this moment. Because Mrs. S is such a great mother. Other moms would (maybe) have ignored the letter and diary, but she made a point to understand her silent child.

She went on to wow me further:

 ” SInce her elder sister , and sometimes F , doesn’t like to memorize the Surahs from Quran maybe because its hard for them. I try to make it enjoyable to them by looking up on youtube, and asking them to memorize by listening and repeating. I tried by rote learning but it seems they enjoy the youtube more.Now they almost can memorize all that they should be knowing..”

She ended with such a proud smile. I smiled. I love her story.

There’s more:

” I am going to open up a blog for her to write in. She’s interested in computer.  So I said to her; Kakak, later Ibu make a blog then you can write in it…”

Mrs. S, a housewife with so many means  and and idea. I love her already.

 ” Wow” ( I can’t help myself really, at this point)

 ”  Who knows she will become a famous writer one day? I would want to visit her blog too..”

” Its great that you put up such effort for your kids. Rarely i hear such stories from parents that go beyond the usual means to help their children. Because most of the time i hear, she/hes always like that, Cikgu. You just do what you can do with my kid teacher, i dont mind one bit. .. but you, you have the initiative. An inspiration really.”

Not one moment of weakness because of her challenged-children. Lucky girls to have such a great mom. Alhamdulillah.

I sent the three of them off with such goodfelt feeling in the heart that restored my faith in humanity.

The worst and the best story of the day. May I of all, and we learn something from the experience He has given me today.

Amin.

Eulogi Kepada GB


Mengejutkan.

Sedang saya niatkan bacaan yasin tadi kepada Allahyarham bapak saya, Tok Wan Paq, Tok Intan, Tok ‘Jar..dan kemudian saya teringatkan Allahyarham Cikgu Sahat, bekas guru besar saya dahulu yang baru-baru ini meninggal. Air mata bergenang.

Saya teruskan pembacaan yasin dengan tenang, kemudian lama-kelamaan semakin sebak mengingatkan beliau. Terlalu sebak sehingga saya berhenti sekejap.

Mengejutkan.

Kerana dia bukan sahabat baik saya.Kami telah berhenti bertanya khabar secara profesional sejak saya pindah.

Kenapa saya sebak sebegini? Saya imbas kembali kenangan bersama beliau tatkala saya duduk berfikir.

Sewaktu saya ditempatkan di sekolah itu di Limbang, beliau merupakan antara orang pertama yang menyambut kehadiran saya dengan penuh besar hati. Dikenalkan saya dengan semua guru, ditunjukkan di sekeliling sekolah. Dan yang paling saya ingat sekali, sewaktu perhimpunan pagi, satu ayat yang sentiasa terngiang di minda saya..

“..kita haruslah bersyukur mendapat seorang guru dari semenanjung yang sanggup datang mengajar di sini..”

Wah! Saya yang ilmu yang sungguh ciput sewaktu itu terasa sungguh dialu-alukan, walaupun guru baru tetapi terasa seperti Tokoh Guru pula.

Beliau bersifat terbuka kepada cadangan dan aktiviti baru kepada sekolah, mungkin kerana pada usia yang agak lanjut beliau (sewaktu itu) sedang menyambung pengajian di peringkat ijazah sarjana muda. Tahun kedua saya di sana, terus dijadikan Guru Sains Tahun 6.

What? Saya tak percaya dengan kebolehan saya. Tetapi mungkin dia nampak potensi. Wallahuaqlam. Beliau sangat menyokong sebarang usaha untuk meningkatkan prestasi tahun 6.

Saya masih ingat lagi suara beliau. ” Chegu..”. A slow drawl; dalam bahasa inggeris. Kalau bahasa melayu mungkin suara perlahan tapi jelas (?).

Hari itu hujan. Saya dan seorang lagi guru tahun 6 sedang menunggu sampan untuk ke seberang sungai untuk kelas Tahun 6 pada hari Sabtu. Saya memegang penuh tangan plastik buku aktiviti yang difotostep. Sedang derupan hujan di atap Tamu Limbang, sedang saya fikirkan bagaimana hendak melintas sungai sebegini, terdengar suara itu;

” Chegu Lisa…”

” Yes, GB?” . Saya sengih tengok beliau memakai baju hujan berhud, kaki seluar senteng dan berselipar.

” Mau ka Gadong ka?”

“Auk, GB. Kelas Tahun 6 ku sama Madam.”

Dia angguk perlahan, sambil mata kuyunya berfikir. He then cracked a joke, in his signature way and laughed. Kami ketawa, tak ingat kerana sebab lucu, atau meringankan bebanan situasi semasa.

“Ba, chegu. Hati-hati kita menyeberang. Aku ada hal ba di bandar..”

“Ba, ba GB. Berdudun tah kita..”

His ability to be cool,unnerving sometimes contrast the way the other times he cracks jokes. All in all, although all humans have their own failings, he was among the people I respected most in the profession.

Hampir kesemua aktiviti sekolah, dia mesti hadir. Pagi, petang..mesti nampak kelibat beliau di sekolah. Mesti ada topi sukan itu di atas kepala.

Image

Our best moment together. Hari Raya peringkat Zon A 2010. Arwah GB 4 dari kiri baris belakang.

Saat manis tatkala tahun-tahun terakhir saya di sana. 2009, setelah kejayaan murid-murid Tahun 6 mencapai antara keputusan terbaik, beliau, saya dan Madam J telah menerima Anugerah Prestasi Cemerlang pada majlis yang sama. Tahun hadapannya beliau sempat menghadiri majlis konvo sendiri bersama keluarga tercinta beliau.

Kenapa saya menangis?

Kerana apabila saya naik pick-up buat kali terakhir untuk meninggalkan sekolah lama saya, saya pusing untuk melihat beliau menitiskan air mata. Pertukaran saya sampai berita hanya pada hari terakhir persekolahan.

” GB, jangan nangis GB..” Saya cuba melucukan suasana.

” Nda ba. Indak ku pikir kau dapat (tukar) ba.”

” Terkejut ka GB?”

” Auk. Adoi, sedih jua ba.”

Dalam kata-kata terakhir beliau semasa serah tugas, beliau berkata beliau redha dengan perpindahan saya kerana mungkin saya akan lebih belajar secara profesional di tempat yang lain, berbanding dengan sekolah kecil itu. Dia doakan saya berjaya di mana saja saya berada.

Kemudian saya sibuk di sini dan tidak berhubung, sekadar ucapan selamat untuk hasir-hari kebesaran. Sempat saya ucapkan ” Get well soon, GB” sewaktu mendengar dia masuk hospital dan dia balas dengan cara positifnya, sentiasa bergurau.

Innalillahiwainnalillahirojiun.

Terima kasih atas segalanya. Cikgu Sahat, kerana memberi peluang untuk saya belajar menjadi pengajar.

Ayat terakhir Surah Yasin saya akhiri eulogi ini:

Amin.

“It’s The Little Things That Makes You Happy..”


:: Biru Diraja::

:: Biru Diraja::

Sudah sampai!

Cenderahati-cenderahati saya dari Eropah!

Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih kepada yang empunya diri; kiriman ini, seperti dalam blog saya terdahulu, Europe Je’taime.

::Aura Eropah di Bumi Selangor::

::Aura Eropah di Bumi Selangor::

::  Hearts::

:: Sungguh…..::

Pinggan Komemoratif Perkahwinan Will & Kate, magnet peti ais kasut kayu Holland serta pemandangan sungai/gandola Venice.

Saya kekurangan satu item Eiffel Tower yang belum kunjung tiba. Hint * Hint *.

Saya terkenang satu cerita tatkala saya sedang mencari stokin sukan keliling rumah untuk pergi joging. Tiba-tiba saya terjumpa sepasang yang saya selitkan di tepi beg komputer riba saya :

“Alhamdulillah! Nasib baik Lisa berpandangan jauh!” saya kata kepada diri sendiri. Secara ironi jugak.

Mama yang sedang menonton TV tersengih, sambil melihat saya dan berkata dengan tawa;

“It’s the little things that makes you happy, huh?”

Saya jengilkan mata sambil tersengih sebab Mama sungguh menyelami.

It doen’t take much to make me happy.

Contohnya tengok pembelian saya yang baru:

::Sungguh kecik. Tapi sangat banyak perkataaan!"

::Sungguh kecik. Tapi sangat banyak perkataaan!”

wordsearch

::Mari mencari maksud cara oldskool::

Gaya studi SPM konon.

Mari menimba ilmu menggunakan kamus (kerana saya tiada telefon “pintar” untuk Google maksud).

I’m a geek and I’m proud of it.

Ngeeeee.

*Berdoa supaya hujung minggu ini lebih baik dari yang lepas, dan yang seterusnya lebih baik dari minggu ini, serta diberi rezeki dan ketabahan atas apa yang bakal di masa hadapan. Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

2012 dalam kenangan ;)


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,100 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 5 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

#15 – Mix Tape


Daily Prompt : Put together a a musical playlist of songs that describe your life, including what you hope your future entails. 

1. I grew up listening to Radio 4 and my parent’s cassette of Engelbert Humperdink, ABBA, The Beatles, Elvis ,and  Cliff Richard among others.  Put that funky music, brown girl ; was my childhood.

2. My teenage years was the era of boy bands, girl bands and diva’s.  You’re not the cool cat if you don’t know each of them, and their dance moves. And you have to like one person that ” defines” you. For me it was Sporty Spice, Howie D. and JC Chasez.

3. Early adulthood was an explosion of life’s lesson. About how life is full of trial’s, about getting up after you have fallen again and again. The importance of having people that loves you no matter what. All songs come and go, but u2 Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own always stuck by.  Something about u2 songs that strucks me deep.

4.  The start of my soul-searching.

5. Now, and what I hope in the future. Insyaallah. My prayers only He knows best. Amin 🙂

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