On Being 30

::Age is just a number because my heart is always young :)::

I’m just 30 years and 1 day young.

When did THAT happen?? Yesterday apparently.

How do i feel really?

In my heart, nothing changes. I’m still bouncing around like i used to, Alhamdulillah.

6 years of being a teacher is not a sign of being experienced. I feel that i never stop learning as a teacher and a mentor. The one precious thing about being around kids so much is that they keep you feeling young if you let them.

“If you let them” meaning there are a few teachers who’s too busy being an adult they fail to appreciate what life is giving them the opportunity to learn from the kids.

On the other side, my soul had always been an old one. “Older” as in matured, wiser.

My 20-ies, i realised now, was the decade of spiritual-journey. Anyone who had been reading my writings since 5-6 years back will keep coming to the word ” self-journey”, “mencari diri (soul-searching)” among others.

It was a turbulence decade. I was confused, most of the time depressed and not unlike a boat sailing aimlessly in chaotic sea. Unknowingly, i was searching for guidance.

I know ALLAH is always there, but why do i still feel like a robot, praying without a feel that He is really THERE?

This quote from Imam Ghazali rang true at that time:

“Search for  your heart (soul) when you read the Quran. If you cannot find it, search for your heart (soul) while doing the sholat. If you still cannot find it, search for your heart (soul) while you tafakkur (sit and think) about death. If still you haven’t found it yet, pray to ALLAH for a new heart, because in fact ; you don’t have one!”

Maybe when I prayed at that time, He really did gave me a new one. Wallahuaqlam. 🙂

You know what is the 3 most valuable lesson i learnt during the last years of my 20’s?

1.  Getting married is not the destination, the end journey: of life. It is one of the many highlights of life, bit it is not what we are created for in this world. As muslim, my destination is Jannah, Insyallah. I stop (okay,  less) fretting about being single the moment it struck me, because married or not married, only our iman and takwa matters in front of ALLAH. That being said, I look forward to meeting my other-half to help me through this journey:).

2. None of this worldly affair, really matters to be too emotional about. Because all of this is only a temporary place for us to find pahala for our Afterlife. All of this stuff we have is just a lend from Him.So i became less hotheaded  and more patient , as i can. Really hard, but i’m trying.

3. If you want to be better, you have to try very hard to be better. We cannot pray and pray and just pray and just say       ” Oh , I have prayed but ALLAH has not opened my heart yet…”.  ALLAH said that He will help those who helped themselves. 

The road to heaven is paved with rocky stones.

I have not reached there yet, that’s for sure.

Most of the times, my feet will be bleeding from the rocky stones and I am exhausted. I am for sure will rest beside the road  and contemplate.

But I pray that everytime i stop, ALLAH will give me the endurance and will to continue on that road.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Welcome 3-series. Be gentle with me please.:)


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