I Know What You Did Last Summer.


break the silence

“I know, you know.

You think I don’t know. But I know what you did.

Both of you.

For a long, long time I know.

Can’t believe it at first, but I saw something that you quickly tried to hide it.

It’s a wonder how both of you can keep it in so long.

Time passed. I am not the person I was before.

Hatred makes you weak. So I forgive both of you.

I release you.

Alhamdulillah. May ALLAH forgives the sins that i had done and my sins in the future. And make me a better person.

May ALLAH blesses both of you with guidance and closure.”

Ada Apa dengan Gue?


 

 

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Green Tea with Honey. Feet up and unwind….

Kepala berdenyut.

Letih.

Minggu yang disangkakan boleh lepak, jatuh bedebuk dengan pelbagai ‘tugas-tugas khas’.

1.Harus key-in LINUS  2. Harus melatih budak untuk English festival 3. Harus menyiapkan filing dan kerja Setiausaha Latihan Dalam Perkhidmatan Sekolah (ala-ala KSN la kata) 4. Harus buat kertas soalan untuk peperiksaan pertengahan tahun.

Nah kau, rasakaannn!!!

Balik taklimat ‘penyelarasan SU LDP’,another fancy word for ‘more filing work’..duduk terkelepek.

Tengok jam. 5.30ptg. Mula monolog dalaman:

Wei, dah pukui 5 lebih.

Alamak letih la…

Tu la memang letih. Tapi apa kata kita hampar ja dulu exercise mat tu..

Hmm okla boleh baring tgk TV.

(Hampar)

Apa kata kalau buat plank sat? Alang-alang..

(Plank) Hmmmpphh .

Dah. Apa kata kita circuit training sat?

Satu round ja na! Letih woi.

Ok.

(15 minutes)

50 lompatan tali?

Ya Rabb. (Lompat…) alang-alang 100 lah.

(Lompat) ..try 200 (Lompat).. Adeehhh.

Hei, kata nak break personal record?!

Okla (sebek) (Lompatlompatlompatlompat)

Tahniah!! 400 jumps!!

Sakit tulang keting aku woiiii…

But so worth it kan, hehe…

Yes, so very worth it. Thank you for tricking me, heart.

Your welcome, brain.

Kepala berdenyut. Kaki lenguh. Badan letih. Minum teh hijau dengan madu sambil lepak. Belasah 2 gulung roti jala. I guess i love food too much to be skinny.

Ganjaran untuk hari yang produktif. Walaupun saya bukan coffee lover seperti sahabat saya di m.r.s.f.a.r.i.z.a.l, tetapi saya sokong any kinds of halal  and healthy beverages.

This blog is also in support of her coffee giveaway. Ada Apa Dengan Cinta mu dengan ngopi, dong? :)

 

Spring of Sakura


 

Alhamdulillah.

It’s almost like the spring here in Malaysia. At least, in Kedah.

The explosion of the cherry blossom around my hometown is like a beautiful, soft and gentle celebration.

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Sakura

A blessing, hopefully as a sign that it’s the end of the hot and humid season. And a sign from Allah for us to persevere, because “fainna maal usri yus rho, inna maal usri yus rho”. After every hardship, there will sure be comfort and peace.

 

Kononisme : Feeling-feeling like  (konon) is the posing mosing

Kononisme : Feeling-feeling like (konon) is the posing mosing

The quarter of 2014 has not been a smooth ride for us, Malaysian, and for most of us. Our prayers everyday are still with the missing flight MH370 , entering its 31st day. Some of my friends and family face great hardship.

My schedule is full most of the time.(This is my first post for 2014! It’s already April!)

I try my very best not to use the word ‘busy’ as it sounds like an excuse, because I realized if you want something, you will make time for it. So this year, I’m trying my very best to avoid ‘busy’ and make time. Insyallah.

Alhamdulillah, after 7 years of living here and there and most of the time living like a nomad, I have finally back in hometown to serve locally. I am now a teacher somewhere in a kinda outback school in Pokok Sena, some 45 minutes from my mom’s house. I love the scenery on the way to school, and I love the school. So what is 45 minutes, huh?

Subhanallah

Subhanallah

A best friend and I fulfilled our promise to come back to Kedah and “make roots” here. Now the 3 of us, is working to make the best of our dreams. My bestie, the chef extraordinaire fulfills her dreams to open this great cafe, and another one of being a great global businesswoman. About my dream, lets just say I will keep it under wraps for now. I’m very protective. :P

The timing of the cherry blossom ‘spring’ season is right on. I needed something after an exhausting quarter of the year.

My bestfriend, Nadiah. Thank you for stepping in the moment.

My bestfriend, Nadiah. Thank you for stepping in the moment.

An idea made me smile and messaged my bestie.

” Jom, let’s do a photoshoot under the cherry blossoms? “

” JOMMMMMMMM……”

What an experience! Been a while for my G11 but it was worth every moment of this craziness.

I always wonder if I ever will see the cherry blossom Sakura in Japan ever. Alhamdulillah, praise ALLAH for bringing us this season for us to enjoy.

It made me smile.

“I had a dream so big and loud
I jumped so high I touched the clouds…”

 

 

 

sejakduamenjak :2013


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,100 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 52 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Tough Love


I just watched Ender’s Game.

As I drove home from Kuala Selangor, I reflected back on the drama happened this morning. And how the movie somehow resonates the dilemma of leadership.

*Names and subjects are changed as this story is just about the lesson within it, not to shame the person*

Today was a working day for me, as it will until Friday.

As I walked along the corridor towards the office, Boss beckons me towards him. PK 1 was leaning in and whispering as they watched me walked towards them.

Erkk. Was it my jeans?

She ushered me in the office, to see a woman with a student sitting on the waiting area. She looks familiar..

“Yes?” ” I’m A’s mother….”

Aaa..yes. ” …. I want to talk to you and the Boss about my child’s grade”

I smiled. Here we go again. Everytime the end of the year result’s are out.

She started to comment on something I cannot disclose here due to professional courtesy. Lengthy words of frustation of a mother, of whom I feel she has high hopes and feels her child deserves more. And how unfair the constitution did not reward her daughter publicly on Prize-Giving Day and her class teacher (read ; me), had ‘downgraded’ her child into the second class.

” Cikgu (-cikgu?) tak adil! Pilih kasih!!  Anak saya dapat banyak A tapi satu hadiah pun tak dapat!! ( The teacher/s  is unfair!  My daughter gets a lot of A’s but she did’nt get any prize!!)

I explained that although her daughter did get A’s, but there are more deserving students to get the prizes.

Clearly my reasonings, then my PK1 , and my colleague reasoning will not dampen her feeling of unsatisfied.

“Kalau macam ni, saya tak maulah bayar duit yuran, rugi jer… Asyik dapat kat orang lain jer..zaman dulu semua yang dapat A dapat hadiah” ( If this is the case, I don’t want to pay the school fees, just a waste of money.. its always other students getting the prizes. Before, all A students got prizes).

We stopped talking when the statement landed.

At this point, I hid my smiling mouth as I can’t believe the mother is actually sulking now. The more reasoning made her more animatedly angry.

” Rasa tak payahlah sekolah ni baca Yasin setiap hari Jumaat. Baca Asma-UlHusna jer. Tak ikhlas. Orang tak ikhlas ni ‘panas’ bila baca Yasin..” ( Don’t bother reciting the Yaseen every Friday. Just recite the Asma UlHusna.  You people are insincere. Reciting Yasin will ‘bother’ the insincere people..”)

At this point, I actually got up, said my excuse to my PK1 and the mother and left, because I was due to present a report and this is clearly going nowhere.

I heard as I left: the mother said ; ” Jangan pusing cerita. Saya tak puas hati ni. Saya nak jumpa GB. Kalau macam ni baik tukar sekolah jer ( Don’t twist the story. I’m not satisfied. I want to see your boss. Maybe my daughter should just change school)

My  PK1 replied; ” Takpalah Puan. Terpulang. Kalau nak borang, sila ambil pada kerani sekolah yer..” ( It’s up to you madam. The forms are with the clerk).

Hours after the presentations ended, I got a call in the meeting room. The mother had sign all the forms and asking for the personal files.

As I handed all the files, I looked at her older, other daughter in Year 5. ” Dia pindah jugak ker, kalau pindah jugak nak cari fail..?” ( Is she changing school too, cause I can help you find the files?).

I was being ironic of course. But oh so politely.

The mother was clearly subdued and smiled sheepishly. ” Tak.. adik die jer..” (No, just her little sister..”.

“Okay, so jangan lupa bagi fail-fail ni kat sekolah baru. Kirim salam kat A yer, tak sempat jumpa dia lagi..”.( Don’t forget to give these files at the new school. Send my love to her cause I have’nt got the chance to say goodbye..”)

A beat of a second. ” Terima kasih cikgu, kerana pernah ajar anak saya..” (Thank you for teaching my daugher.”

I smiled. I dont know what kind of smile. Tired? Stressed? Gladness?

A leader needs to know which battle are worth fighting for. Sometimes the choices are not the popular ones. You know you have to make a decision as a whole, for the whole.

People will hate you. Not a great feeling.

Different thank you-s in two days.

Thank You for The Future


School’s out for the year. The Class of 2013 has rung the last bell.

However, my working days are still a week a way. Time to ‘closing books and long last book’ have not ended yet.A lot of loose ends must be tied and packed away.

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As i bid adieu to my classes, I felt that i could have done more for them. Sure, it was a great, productive year. I felt I had given all.I had learn from the best mentor, and from zero to a much more capable teacher. I felt like English was really my major.

Every teacher at the end of the year imagine their students walking into the next year class as a perfect human-child example of existence. Okay, so it was only my dream.

So, some of them are still smart-a** es (I mean that in the most loving way ;p). If I wanted robots that followed all my orders, I would had gone into Mecha-tronic Engineering. But shaping little humans is way more fun and i love the challenge.

Today, I also welcomed next year batch of students. Class of 2014. All new 41 faces.

Not much of a difference in terms of “smartness”. If I am still the class teacher next year, I will have my hands full again. I need to pull all the stops and all the tricks to keep them in line.

What fun that will be. Yay.

One story for today (because everyday is a unique story with kids);

I went around asking personal questions about the new class, and to fill time. The question was ” What does your parents do?”. Some of them were sons and daughters of teachers.

A girl, looking quite messy,whether from care or from play, put up her hand. ” Mak saya tukang urut di Singapura …” .(My mom is a masseuse in Singapore).  I did not ask in detail about the job because most of the students are poor. ” Your father?” ” Dia sakit.. (he’s sick)”. Poor her. Poor mom, i remembered thinking.

As i said goodbye ’till next year and hugged each one of them and saying take care, that girl suddenly ran back to me.

She whispered something to me. I said, ” What?”

” Terima kasih kerana mengajar saya tahun depan.. ( Thank you for teaching me next year)..”

I look at her messy face and felt something. I hugged her again and she ran down the stairs.

This is why I am a teacher. For one of these moments.

For many more moments to come.

Happy holidays to all my students. I will miss all of you wrecking up my life, :)

Temporary Blackout


Ritma kipas siling makin perlahan.

Mr Popper’s Penguin hilang dari skrin TV.

White noise lessen and lessen to a stop.

Only once a year this happens usually. Kerap lagi kalau di Limbang dulu.

Bingar kesunyian menyelubungi rumah.

candles

I’m one of those people who sometimes thrives in silence. I don’t know why.

Mama, however, feels the need to fill the in blanks.

Minda berlegar mengingatkan blog yang sudah berkian lama sudah berhabuk. Keputusan UPSR. Sepupu sudah mendapat anak! Cuti sekolah. Tak dapat cuti lagi. Tukar? Tak tukar? Kerja kerja kerja.

Kemudian teringatkan permainan kad yang dibeli untuk waktu-waktu terluang. Waktu-waktu terluang yang seringkali sejakduamenjak ini diisi oleh idiotbox dan gajet-gajet yang memerlukan punca kuasa.

My geek side keeps UNO and Game of Life handy.

Playing the Game of Life in the stillness of the afternoon made me reminisce.

Those simple days of youth where we; my siblings and I; had nothing but each other to entertain. We had Monopoly, Scrabble, chess and UNO. We had the silliest fight over the ‘official rules’ of buying Park Lane or was zit an official word, or had UNO been said before the last card was put down.

One of the craziest moment of this 21st century was when my whole group sitting together during the LINUS course,BUT talk to each other via WhatsApp in our group forum. I’m thinking of sending my Avatar out sometimes to replace my physical presence. This is a joke, by the way.

Our physical form are present when we are with our loved ones but we minds and bodies are under influence of a third party.

Kami keluar untuk membeli lilin, kemudian pusing-pusing di sekeling taman melihat suasana senja.

“Rugi tak bawak G11..”

“Hmm…” jawab Mama. Then she continued her chatter.

When we turned the corner into my lane, the traffic light was already on again. The TV was on, and we sat down and looked at the idiotbox like nothing happened. The candles were put aside and so were my thoughts.

Then the lights went off again. The stillness again.

Alhamdulillah, my laptop was turned on as i was writing this. I opened the sliding door a bit for some air, light up the candles. And proceeded to type this.

Low chatter fills the room as i nod again and again to Mama.

“Welcome back, me” . I type to myself.

The months long hiatus was just a temporary blackout.

2014 is coming and I am praying for better things to come, and to write.

Insyallah. Amin.

Intergalactic Planetery : Class Photo 2013


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It was that time of the year again.

My birthday was around the corner. My hands were itching to use G11 that’s been collecting dust. I miss it so much lately.

Since the past 2 years, I had been photographing my students for class photos with a twist.  Around July.In a way, it was kind of like a personal way of celebrating another year of life.

All of them had themes. All of them had props. And to add to the joy is that they had to prepare the props themselves.

In 2011, it was Carnivale.

Last year was Fairytale.

This year’s, by far, I thought was the most enjoyable and interesting. Presenting,  in full techni-multi-colour , the best of Class Photo 2013 : Intergalactic Planetary ( Robots ). Credits to Beastie Boys.

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ImageImageImageImageImageteacher

all

Coming soon, behind the scenes of Class Photo 2013 : Intergalactic Planetary.

hungry


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its 230am in the morning.

tried to sleep from 11pm. awoke.after 2 hours. still cant fall asleep.

another 3hrs to wake up for sahur.

as i blamed the supermoon for my sudden insomnia, i lay awake wondering what to do.

this rarely happens. nearly everytime my head hits the pillow, just needs a few winks then im off till subuh.

what is this feeling that kept me awake?

then i realised its hunger. its so subtle in the stomach but its like a fight or flight response fot me to keep awake to find food.

i have food for iftar just now, Alhamdulillah. i still have food on the fridge for tomorrow`s  sahur too. alhamdulillah.

this made me felt humbled. there are people out there who has been hungry and still is hungry because of no food. no choice.

a great awakening in the middle of the night. in the middle of ramadhan.

as the feeling of hungriness spreads to the legs and my mind is numbing, but still cant sleep, i wondered if i should just eat now.

ya Rabb, help those of our brothers and sisters that is hungry without food and full of desperation. the ones that needs help.give them strength. give them courage. give them hope.

feeling fatigue now. wondered if finally i can sleep. wallahuaqlam.

salam nuzul al-quran. ihya Ramadhan.

Meet The Parents


I told this story about my Parent-Teacher Interaction Day today at my FB wall:

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Maybe I left that hanging with the aura that the day did not turn out as inspiring as i thought that it would be. On such a sad note.

But I did leave the classroom with another story. A story of perseverence, and simply a mother’s strong will. 

A story i spent nearly half an hour talking to this mother.

Mrs S. Her elder daughter has medical problems that needs to be taken to the hospital nearly everyweek. My student, the younger sister, F, always absent on the day because no  one will pick her up after school due everyone is at the hospital.

F is a really silent kid. I rarely hear her talk. So this is my conversation with her mother;

” So I’ve just knew about her sister’s condition. I understand why now F is always absent.”

” Yes, her elder sister always need to see the doctor. She (elder sis) now also has develop problems with one of her eye. And the medical conditions (maybe) made her a bit slow ( in learning)”

I looked over at the elder sister looking at my noticeboards in the classroom. The ones with the sticker charts. She grazed her fingers slowly over the stickers and started to count them slowly.

I turn to look at Mrs. S. Confident, smiling. Never a moment of weakness.

 “F is always silent in class. Is she always like this at home? I ask this because i worry maybe something is bothering her or anything..”

 ” Oh no, she is always like that. She the silent one at home. Always like to spend time in her rooms and reading..”

 ” Wow, then she must be really clever to read so much..”

 ” She even have her own diary, Cikgu. Everything she feels she always write in them. “

 ” Its great for me to heat that she has an outlet to express her feelings, and someone so young to keep a diary! She must be really good in her essays..”

I told her about myself keeping diary in high school. Intermission.

” Do you know, Cikgu, when F wants to communicate with me, she always write me a letter, and i would reply at the bottom and she would reply back etc?”

 ” Wow! How interesting! ” ( How old school)

 “Yes, I always read her diary when she’s asleep, because who knows what happens during the day, and she rarely talks, and she wrote almost everything down. So I make a point to read and put back exactly where she hid it”.

I had to hold back my Wows at this moment. Because Mrs. S is such a great mother. Other moms would (maybe) have ignored the letter and diary, but she made a point to understand her silent child.

She went on to wow me further:

 ” SInce her elder sister , and sometimes F , doesn’t like to memorize the Surahs from Quran maybe because its hard for them. I try to make it enjoyable to them by looking up on youtube, and asking them to memorize by listening and repeating. I tried by rote learning but it seems they enjoy the youtube more.Now they almost can memorize all that they should be knowing..”

She ended with such a proud smile. I smiled. I love her story.

There’s more:

” I am going to open up a blog for her to write in. She’s interested in computer.  So I said to her; Kakak, later Ibu make a blog then you can write in it…”

Mrs. S, a housewife with so many means  and and idea. I love her already.

 ” Wow” ( I can’t help myself really, at this point)

 ”  Who knows she will become a famous writer one day? I would want to visit her blog too..”

” Its great that you put up such effort for your kids. Rarely i hear such stories from parents that go beyond the usual means to help their children. Because most of the time i hear, she/hes always like that, Cikgu. You just do what you can do with my kid teacher, i dont mind one bit. .. but you, you have the initiative. An inspiration really.”

Not one moment of weakness because of her challenged-children. Lucky girls to have such a great mom. Alhamdulillah.

I sent the three of them off with such goodfelt feeling in the heart that restored my faith in humanity.

The worst and the best story of the day. May I of all, and we learn something from the experience He has given me today.

Amin.

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