“I’ve been looking for you..”


The topic for Daily Post, WordPress.com :You’re sitting at a café when a stranger approaches you. This person asks what your name is, and, for some reason, you reply. The stranger nods, “I’ve been looking for you.” What happens next?

What is it about the rain?

The refreshing smell of water falling from sky to the earth. The drops. One sound after the other. Like the hypnotic sounds of life; celebrating.

I put my feet on the chair beside me as I sat and gazed the view of the sidewalk from the lonely cafe. Serenity. I smiled.

“Assalamualaikum..”

I looked up. Wow. My first reaction must had been vivid because the man smiled knowingly and flashed the brightest smile ever. I shook my head from the flush I felt rising to my cheeks and quickly put down my feet.

” Waalaikumsalam..”. Still dazed, and still looking up to the standing stranger, I chided myself. What am I doing? Usually I just ignore strangers, or just raise one of my eyebrow with an icy stare.

” Cik… ?”

” Nur Lisa..”. At that moment, I felt like slapping my face. It was like I was under a spell.

He smiled. Calmly, he sat down beside me. Now both of us, not facing each other but looking at the open space in the rain.

“I’ve been looking for you..” The words came easily, not hurriedly. It was like he said ” What a beautiful weather it is..”

“Who are you?” . One sane moment I managed to ask, despite the fact that at the very moment he sat down, I felt I had known him my whole life.

“You know who I am.”

Still not looking at me, still calm. He looked up towards the rain then towards me.

Pure and angelic, he might as well had wings. I looked entranced.

Yes, I knew him. Deep down I knew.

“Do you know why I am here?” I blinked. Almost as though he looked into my eyes and into my soul.

I looked down, and then looked away again.

” Something about what I want?”  I whispered almost too softly.

He nodded.

” The prayers you make everyday. Don’t give up.  He is Most Listening and Most Caring”

“Allah had bestowed you the blessings and when He withheld, He is Most Knowing when it is good for you not to have it and give an even better thing..

“Sometimes it’s easier to see what we have not but actually we have more than most of us..”

I did’nt realized I sat back and put my feet up again as he did when he started talking.

” Be thankful. Be strong. This world is not meant to be Paradise. That comes after all this hard work.”

” After the rain, comes the rainbow..” It came out as though it was meant to be. From my own lips.

This time, without turning, i felt his smile. ” Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Lailahaillah, Allahuakhbar”.

” It’s time for me to go..” He decided as the rain subsided. Gentle hail became drops.

“You came with the rain..”. I said in wonderment.

With the that final smile, he got up and went away. That man in white seems to have vanished in the distance.

The peace and serenity state he left me with lingered as i closed my eyes for awhile.

” Thank you, Allah for sending me Hope..”

Rizqy from the rain.

 

I

Dongak Ke Atas.


Atas/Bawah?

Atas/Bawah?

Subhanallah. Alhamdulillah.

Ini pandangan saya tatkala saya letakkan kepala di buai taman rumah.

Secara jujurnya, dongakan saya ke langit dengan harapan dapatkah melihat syurga?

Kemudian saya tertawa sendirian, mana mungkin hamba yang banyak dosa seperti ini mampu melihat sekadar dengan dongakan?

Tapi itu sebenarnya bagi saya metafora langit.

Syurga Jannah takkan dinampakkan dengan mata kasar.

Tapi kalau sudah langit sebegini sudah begitu hebat dan indah, tidakkah kita tertanya bagaimanakah lebih hebatnya syurga Jannah?

Metafora langit adalah metafora harapan.

Metafora kekuasaanNya. 

Metafora betapa kerdil dan mikroskopiknya kita di Bumi ini berbanding ciptaanNya yang Maha Hebat. Walaupun kita manusia, hanya dijadikan dari tanah yang lembik, tetapi kitalah Khalifah di sini. We are the chosen one.

Metafora pengampunanNya. Berapa juta kali kita berdosa setiap hari, tetapi Alhamdulillah, masih menghirup udara segarNya, deria semua Insyallah masih berfungsi untuk nikmat-nikmat ini.

Metafora kehebatanNya. Sedang saya mendongak ke langit yang kelihatan tiada berpenghujung ini, pada masa yang sama, saya dapat melihat sel-sel mikroskopik serta bakteria yang melintas di hadapan mata saya.

Juxtaposed. The biggest creation in the world the eyes can see.The smallest creation the eyes can see.

Allahuakhbar.

Note to self: This world is much more bigger than your bubble. Step out and look at the bigger picture.

Sesungguhnya pada kejadian langit dan bumi, dan pada pertukaran malam dan siang, ada tanda-tanda (kekuasaan, kebijaksanaan, dan keluasan rahmat Allah) bagi orang-orang Yang berakal;

(Iaitu) orang-orang Yang menyebut dan mengingati Allah semasa mereka berdiri dan duduk dan semasa mereka berbaring mengiring, dan mereka pula memikirkan tentang kejadian langit dan bumi (sambil berkata): “Wahai Tuhan kami! tidaklah Engkau menjadikan benda-benda ini Dengan sia-sia, Maha suci engkau, maka peliharalah Kami dari azab neraka.

(Surah Al-’Imran: Ayat 190-191)

Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Perhatikan dan fikirkanlah apa yang ada di langit dan di bumi dari segala kejadian yang menakjubkan, yang membuktikan keesaan Allah dan kekuasaanNya).

(Surah Al-Yunus: Ayat 101)

Tahun Ketiga Sebagai Mak Ngah


Selamat Hari Jadi, Khalil Amshar.

Kalil dah tige tahun. *Ade yu yu. Ade yu yu. Ade yu yu. Ade yu.*

Kita ada pertalian halimunan, Kalil, you and me.

Mak Ngah suka ‘something’, dia pun suka ‘something’. Mak Ngah suka makan ratah-ratah cicah-cicah, dia pun suka ratah-ratah cicah-cicah.

Mak Ngah kaki teyak dulu kini anda pula juara. Nah piala pusingan.

Semoga ALLAH menjadikan Khalil Amshar seorang yang berjaya dalam dunia dan akhirat, anak yang soleh kepada kedua ibu dan bapa, dan tak lupa juga kepada Tok, Mak Ngah, Adak & Unkel, Adik, Achu, Pak Dode, Pak Lam, We dan Mok..

Semoga Khalil sentiasa menjadi penyeri di mata dan penyeri di hati keluarga kita bersama-sama dengan adik Zarif Amri.

Alhamdulillah di atas rezeki ini.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Thank you for teaching me unconditional love. I never knew i could love a stranger so much until you were born.

Hugss and kisses now and forever…

Mak Ngah.

*Happy Birthday to You*

12/08/2014

I Know What You Did Last Summer.


break the silence

“I know, you know.

You think I don’t know. But I know what you did.

Both of you.

For a long, long time I know.

Can’t believe it at first, but I saw something that you quickly tried to hide it.

It’s a wonder how both of you can keep it in so long.

Time passed. I am not the person I was before.

Hatred makes you weak. So I forgive both of you.

I release you.

Alhamdulillah. May ALLAH forgives the sins that i had done and my sins in the future. And make me a better person.

May ALLAH blesses both of you with guidance and closure.”

Ada Apa dengan Gue?


 

 

Image

Green Tea with Honey. Feet up and unwind….

Kepala berdenyut.

Letih.

Minggu yang disangkakan boleh lepak, jatuh bedebuk dengan pelbagai ‘tugas-tugas khas’.

1.Harus key-in LINUS  2. Harus melatih budak untuk English festival 3. Harus menyiapkan filing dan kerja Setiausaha Latihan Dalam Perkhidmatan Sekolah (ala-ala KSN la kata) 4. Harus buat kertas soalan untuk peperiksaan pertengahan tahun.

Nah kau, rasakaannn!!!

Balik taklimat ‘penyelarasan SU LDP’,another fancy word for ‘more filing work’..duduk terkelepek.

Tengok jam. 5.30ptg. Mula monolog dalaman:

Wei, dah pukui 5 lebih.

Alamak letih la…

Tu la memang letih. Tapi apa kata kita hampar ja dulu exercise mat tu..

Hmm okla boleh baring tgk TV.

(Hampar)

Apa kata kalau buat plank sat? Alang-alang..

(Plank) Hmmmpphh .

Dah. Apa kata kita circuit training sat?

Satu round ja na! Letih woi.

Ok.

(15 minutes)

50 lompatan tali?

Ya Rabb. (Lompat…) alang-alang 100 lah.

(Lompat) ..try 200 (Lompat).. Adeehhh.

Hei, kata nak break personal record?!

Okla (sebek) (Lompatlompatlompatlompat)

Tahniah!! 400 jumps!!

Sakit tulang keting aku woiiii…

But so worth it kan, hehe…

Yes, so very worth it. Thank you for tricking me, heart.

Your welcome, brain.

Kepala berdenyut. Kaki lenguh. Badan letih. Minum teh hijau dengan madu sambil lepak. Belasah 2 gulung roti jala. I guess i love food too much to be skinny.

Ganjaran untuk hari yang produktif. Walaupun saya bukan coffee lover seperti sahabat saya di m.r.s.f.a.r.i.z.a.l, tetapi saya sokong any kinds of halal  and healthy beverages.

This blog is also in support of her coffee giveaway. Ada Apa Dengan Cinta mu dengan ngopi, dong? :)

 

Spring of Sakura


 

Alhamdulillah.

It’s almost like the spring here in Malaysia. At least, in Kedah.

The explosion of the cherry blossom around my hometown is like a beautiful, soft and gentle celebration.

Image

Sakura

A blessing, hopefully as a sign that it’s the end of the hot and humid season. And a sign from Allah for us to persevere, because “fainna maal usri yus rho, inna maal usri yus rho”. After every hardship, there will sure be comfort and peace.

 

Kononisme : Feeling-feeling like  (konon) is the posing mosing

Kononisme : Feeling-feeling like (konon) is the posing mosing

The quarter of 2014 has not been a smooth ride for us, Malaysian, and for most of us. Our prayers everyday are still with the missing flight MH370 , entering its 31st day. Some of my friends and family face great hardship.

My schedule is full most of the time.(This is my first post for 2014! It’s already April!)

I try my very best not to use the word ‘busy’ as it sounds like an excuse, because I realized if you want something, you will make time for it. So this year, I’m trying my very best to avoid ‘busy’ and make time. Insyallah.

Alhamdulillah, after 7 years of living here and there and most of the time living like a nomad, I have finally back in hometown to serve locally. I am now a teacher somewhere in a kinda outback school in Pokok Sena, some 45 minutes from my mom’s house. I love the scenery on the way to school, and I love the school. So what is 45 minutes, huh?

Subhanallah

Subhanallah

A best friend and I fulfilled our promise to come back to Kedah and “make roots” here. Now the 3 of us, is working to make the best of our dreams. My bestie, the chef extraordinaire fulfills her dreams to open this great cafe, and another one of being a great global businesswoman. About my dream, lets just say I will keep it under wraps for now. I’m very protective. :P

The timing of the cherry blossom ‘spring’ season is right on. I needed something after an exhausting quarter of the year.

My bestfriend, Nadiah. Thank you for stepping in the moment.

My bestfriend, Nadiah. Thank you for stepping in the moment.

An idea made me smile and messaged my bestie.

” Jom, let’s do a photoshoot under the cherry blossoms? “

” JOMMMMMMMM……”

What an experience! Been a while for my G11 but it was worth every moment of this craziness.

I always wonder if I ever will see the cherry blossom Sakura in Japan ever. Alhamdulillah, praise ALLAH for bringing us this season for us to enjoy.

It made me smile.

“I had a dream so big and loud
I jumped so high I touched the clouds…”

 

 

 

sejakduamenjak :2013


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,100 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 52 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Tough Love


I just watched Ender’s Game.

As I drove home from Kuala Selangor, I reflected back on the drama happened this morning. And how the movie somehow resonates the dilemma of leadership.

*Names and subjects are changed as this story is just about the lesson within it, not to shame the person*

Today was a working day for me, as it will until Friday.

As I walked along the corridor towards the office, Boss beckons me towards him. PK 1 was leaning in and whispering as they watched me walked towards them.

Erkk. Was it my jeans?

She ushered me in the office, to see a woman with a student sitting on the waiting area. She looks familiar..

“Yes?” ” I’m A’s mother….”

Aaa..yes. ” …. I want to talk to you and the Boss about my child’s grade”

I smiled. Here we go again. Everytime the end of the year result’s are out.

She started to comment on something I cannot disclose here due to professional courtesy. Lengthy words of frustation of a mother, of whom I feel she has high hopes and feels her child deserves more. And how unfair the constitution did not reward her daughter publicly on Prize-Giving Day and her class teacher (read ; me), had ‘downgraded’ her child into the second class.

” Cikgu (-cikgu?) tak adil! Pilih kasih!!  Anak saya dapat banyak A tapi satu hadiah pun tak dapat!! ( The teacher/s  is unfair!  My daughter gets a lot of A’s but she did’nt get any prize!!)

I explained that although her daughter did get A’s, but there are more deserving students to get the prizes.

Clearly my reasonings, then my PK1 , and my colleague reasoning will not dampen her feeling of unsatisfied.

“Kalau macam ni, saya tak maulah bayar duit yuran, rugi jer… Asyik dapat kat orang lain jer..zaman dulu semua yang dapat A dapat hadiah” ( If this is the case, I don’t want to pay the school fees, just a waste of money.. its always other students getting the prizes. Before, all A students got prizes).

We stopped talking when the statement landed.

At this point, I hid my smiling mouth as I can’t believe the mother is actually sulking now. The more reasoning made her more animatedly angry.

” Rasa tak payahlah sekolah ni baca Yasin setiap hari Jumaat. Baca Asma-UlHusna jer. Tak ikhlas. Orang tak ikhlas ni ‘panas’ bila baca Yasin..” ( Don’t bother reciting the Yaseen every Friday. Just recite the Asma UlHusna.  You people are insincere. Reciting Yasin will ‘bother’ the insincere people..”)

At this point, I actually got up, said my excuse to my PK1 and the mother and left, because I was due to present a report and this is clearly going nowhere.

I heard as I left: the mother said ; ” Jangan pusing cerita. Saya tak puas hati ni. Saya nak jumpa GB. Kalau macam ni baik tukar sekolah jer ( Don’t twist the story. I’m not satisfied. I want to see your boss. Maybe my daughter should just change school)

My  PK1 replied; ” Takpalah Puan. Terpulang. Kalau nak borang, sila ambil pada kerani sekolah yer..” ( It’s up to you madam. The forms are with the clerk).

Hours after the presentations ended, I got a call in the meeting room. The mother had sign all the forms and asking for the personal files.

As I handed all the files, I looked at her older, other daughter in Year 5. ” Dia pindah jugak ker, kalau pindah jugak nak cari fail..?” ( Is she changing school too, cause I can help you find the files?).

I was being ironic of course. But oh so politely.

The mother was clearly subdued and smiled sheepishly. ” Tak.. adik die jer..” (No, just her little sister..”.

“Okay, so jangan lupa bagi fail-fail ni kat sekolah baru. Kirim salam kat A yer, tak sempat jumpa dia lagi..”.( Don’t forget to give these files at the new school. Send my love to her cause I have’nt got the chance to say goodbye..”)

A beat of a second. ” Terima kasih cikgu, kerana pernah ajar anak saya..” (Thank you for teaching my daugher.”

I smiled. I dont know what kind of smile. Tired? Stressed? Gladness?

A leader needs to know which battle are worth fighting for. Sometimes the choices are not the popular ones. You know you have to make a decision as a whole, for the whole.

People will hate you. Not a great feeling.

Different thank you-s in two days.

Thank You for The Future


School’s out for the year. The Class of 2013 has rung the last bell.

However, my working days are still a week a way. Time to ‘closing books and long last book’ have not ended yet.A lot of loose ends must be tied and packed away.

Image

As i bid adieu to my classes, I felt that i could have done more for them. Sure, it was a great, productive year. I felt I had given all.I had learn from the best mentor, and from zero to a much more capable teacher. I felt like English was really my major.

Every teacher at the end of the year imagine their students walking into the next year class as a perfect human-child example of existence. Okay, so it was only my dream.

So, some of them are still smart-a** es (I mean that in the most loving way ;p). If I wanted robots that followed all my orders, I would had gone into Mecha-tronic Engineering. But shaping little humans is way more fun and i love the challenge.

Today, I also welcomed next year batch of students. Class of 2014. All new 41 faces.

Not much of a difference in terms of “smartness”. If I am still the class teacher next year, I will have my hands full again. I need to pull all the stops and all the tricks to keep them in line.

What fun that will be. Yay.

One story for today (because everyday is a unique story with kids);

I went around asking personal questions about the new class, and to fill time. The question was ” What does your parents do?”. Some of them were sons and daughters of teachers.

A girl, looking quite messy,whether from care or from play, put up her hand. ” Mak saya tukang urut di Singapura …” .(My mom is a masseuse in Singapore).  I did not ask in detail about the job because most of the students are poor. ” Your father?” ” Dia sakit.. (he’s sick)”. Poor her. Poor mom, i remembered thinking.

As i said goodbye ’till next year and hugged each one of them and saying take care, that girl suddenly ran back to me.

She whispered something to me. I said, ” What?”

” Terima kasih kerana mengajar saya tahun depan.. ( Thank you for teaching me next year)..”

I look at her messy face and felt something. I hugged her again and she ran down the stairs.

This is why I am a teacher. For one of these moments.

For many more moments to come.

Happy holidays to all my students. I will miss all of you wrecking up my life, :)

Temporary Blackout


Ritma kipas siling makin perlahan.

Mr Popper’s Penguin hilang dari skrin TV.

White noise lessen and lessen to a stop.

Only once a year this happens usually. Kerap lagi kalau di Limbang dulu.

Bingar kesunyian menyelubungi rumah.

candles

I’m one of those people who sometimes thrives in silence. I don’t know why.

Mama, however, feels the need to fill the in blanks.

Minda berlegar mengingatkan blog yang sudah berkian lama sudah berhabuk. Keputusan UPSR. Sepupu sudah mendapat anak! Cuti sekolah. Tak dapat cuti lagi. Tukar? Tak tukar? Kerja kerja kerja.

Kemudian teringatkan permainan kad yang dibeli untuk waktu-waktu terluang. Waktu-waktu terluang yang seringkali sejakduamenjak ini diisi oleh idiotbox dan gajet-gajet yang memerlukan punca kuasa.

My geek side keeps UNO and Game of Life handy.

Playing the Game of Life in the stillness of the afternoon made me reminisce.

Those simple days of youth where we; my siblings and I; had nothing but each other to entertain. We had Monopoly, Scrabble, chess and UNO. We had the silliest fight over the ‘official rules’ of buying Park Lane or was zit an official word, or had UNO been said before the last card was put down.

One of the craziest moment of this 21st century was when my whole group sitting together during the LINUS course,BUT talk to each other via WhatsApp in our group forum. I’m thinking of sending my Avatar out sometimes to replace my physical presence. This is a joke, by the way.

Our physical form are present when we are with our loved ones but we minds and bodies are under influence of a third party.

Kami keluar untuk membeli lilin, kemudian pusing-pusing di sekeling taman melihat suasana senja.

“Rugi tak bawak G11..”

“Hmm…” jawab Mama. Then she continued her chatter.

When we turned the corner into my lane, the traffic light was already on again. The TV was on, and we sat down and looked at the idiotbox like nothing happened. The candles were put aside and so were my thoughts.

Then the lights went off again. The stillness again.

Alhamdulillah, my laptop was turned on as i was writing this. I opened the sliding door a bit for some air, light up the candles. And proceeded to type this.

Low chatter fills the room as i nod again and again to Mama.

“Welcome back, me” . I type to myself.

The months long hiatus was just a temporary blackout.

2014 is coming and I am praying for better things to come, and to write.

Insyallah. Amin.

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